How asking for what you need and want is one of the methods of empowerment
If you are anything like me, you were raised to be strong, independent, self-sufficient. And for sure, these are amazing qualities and attitudes. But as it is with (almost) everything: there is a balance. Humankind would not have been as evolved as it is if everyone tried to do everything on their own.
Being in community, sharing tasks, work, success and happiness is innate human and has brought us that far. Not so long ago – taking the history of humankind into consideration – it was basically a death sentence to be expelled from a community or an outcast in general (especially for women). It was very hard, nearly impossible to survive on your own.
Living together and working together, helping each other out – this was just normality. Maybe you didn’t even have to ask for help so often, because it was the natural way of living. It is a great pity that we seem to have lost one of the most wonderful methods of empowerment.
Asking for help was for a long time something that not even crossed my mind. This option was not part of my mindset, my universe. And even when I ran out of options and energy and finally allowed myself to notice that I can’t do something on my own, it took me an immense effort to ask someone for help. It was tightly connected to shama and a sense of failure that I needed someone.
Reflecting on my upbringing it all makes so much sense to me (now). My parents and grandparents were/are very hard working people. My grandma worked until she was 75 as a housekeeper in different households. She was never sick. I remember that she fell from her bike once in winter on her way to work and still worked her committed hours afterwards.
A day later it turned out that she broke her leg in this bike accident. And she obviously did not even question if she should go directly to the doctor (or call someone from her family) because of the pain she must have had from the broken leg (and bruises everywhere). My mother built a house with her mother in law (the husbands were away for work or cure) and some craftsmen on sight but doing all the heavy work as well while she was 8 months pregnant – and experiencing pain in her belly through the heavy lifting quite often.
So trying to be super self-sufficient and super strong and subordinate one’s own health and wellbeing to the tasks ahead is a mindset that I was socialized with.
It took me a good part of my life to become aware of it and change the pattern. Asking for help is still not the first thing that crosses my mind when I face a challenge. Asking for support still takes presence, awareness, and (sometimes a freaking lot of) effort for me.
Asking for support is a superpower.
But I practiced. Long and courageously. And slowly I shifted my mindset towards a more empowering tool for me (and it really is like you’re training a muscle). And it becomes easier and easier to remind myself that asking for help and support really is a superpower.
The ability to ask for support actually means that you are very competent to use your energy and resources wisely. It means that you are able to think strategically and focus on the things you are great at.
When you allow yourself to focus on the things you are good at and love to do, you choose to keep things flowing. You consciously choose to not get or stay stuck (which can also be part of the victims-mindset). You also choose wellbeing and pleasure above some of the most disempowering mindsets like “life is hard”, “no pain no gain”, “I need to make it on my own”, “nobody can do it as good/quick as I can” etc.
Furthermore you choose to honor your unique qualities and talents as well as you honor other peoples unique qualities and talents. It is an appreciation and celebration of your own unique qualities and the qualities of other people. It is a celebration of the immense variety of brilliance of nature.
Also, what came to me is the question of really being all in. Am I really all in, 100%, if I don’t dare to ask for support if needed. Is my ego stronger than my love for the project and it’s success if I let my insecurities and shame rule how I manage this project?
And what if it is easier than you think, to ask for support and get exactly the support you need
…or even better?
When you practice to ask for support you are also increasing your capacity to receive. Most certainly, this will affect all areas of your life immensely positively. This is so true for me.
To live the best version of our life we need to be able to receive. And for many of us this is also something to learn and deepen. If I am not open to see the abundance around me, if I am not open and willing to call in help, I am most likely also not open to see and call in ease, pleasure, happiness.
Think about that for a moment.
When you practice this approach of self-empowerment to ask for support you are supporting connection, trust and community.
Through asking for what you want and need you are also enabling more connection. You create a form of intimacy with other people. You are allowing community to form and deepen. You are inviting other people in your surrounding to take you as an inspiration to also ask for what they need and want. The funny thing with us humans is that we all sometimes suffer in silence and alone for ourselves. Sharing – especially of fears, shame and “weaknesses” not only fuels connection but also healing towards a healthy mind, body & soul – on an individual as well as on the collective level.
When you allow others to experience the power of being vulnerable, the strength of asking for something, the strength of acknowledging that you are neither perfect nor capable of doing everything at the same time in the utmost perfection you are opening up a space in which other people can authentically relate to you. And it is also a huge invitation for other people to get vulnerable with you.
Humans who are able to express themselves authentically, who are able to unapologetically let themselves be seen in their originality (which feels for most of us very freaking vulnerable) are incredibly courageous. And by that they create and experience the most nourishing and uplifting connection and intimacy. At least this is what is so true for me.
We are social beings, that’s a fact. Connection and a sense of belonging is one of the foundations of human happiness.
And that is not about co-dependence but about co-creation.
Asking for support is one of the methods of empowerment and a form of co-creation.
Asking for support is one of the powerful ways of empowerment.
So please practice this superpower with me. Be courageous with me.
Be a superheroine or a superhero!
Light up the world.
It starts with me.
It starts with you.
Methods of empowerment
Make instant use of this one: reach out
If you are feeling stuck, all on your own, low in energy, lost your positive outlook in life sometimes, feel like everything is very hard for you at the moment, reach out to me.
If you want to unlearn unhealthy patterns and mindsets, and create ones that are truly supportive for your best life and career, reach out to me.
If you want to create more joy, hunger for life, freedom, connection and intimacy for yourself and with others, reach out to me.
If you want to learn hands-on methods of empowerment, connect to your unique qualities, stepping into your full potential, experiencing excitement when you face the next challenging thing, reach out to me.
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All your qualities, vulnerabilities, all your parts are more than welcome.
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